I admit that I have met Bruce’s decline in recent years with a share of avoidance and denial that I’m not proud of. The truth is that I was too sick myself to handle it. For the Houston Rockets Pride Team Logo 2023 shirt Apart from…,I will love this last four years, I have suffered from anorexia nervosa, which I’ve been reluctant to talk about because, after getting sober at age 20, restricting food has felt like the last vice that I got to hold on to. When I was 25, I was admitted to a residential treatment facility in Malibu to address the depression that I had lived with through my adolescence. It was a largely therapeutic experience; for the first time, I grieved the 15-year-old misfit me, the ugly duckling. I was also diagnosed with ADHD and started on stimulant medication, which was transformative. I felt smart for the first time, but I also started to enjoy the appetite-suppressant side effect of the meds. I saw a way to banish the awkward adolescent in favor of a flighty little pixie.And like so many people with eating disorders, my sense of myself went haywire. There’s an unhealthy deliciousness at the beginning of losing weight rapidly. People are like, Oh wow! And then quickly it turns to, Are you okay? My friends and family were terrified, and I dismissed it. They’d say, Is this the ADHD medication? I was very protective of my medication, and I rationalized it by telling myself that it was helping me to focus, which in turn was helping me to build a life outside of how I looked. An eating disorders therapist would tell me later, the smaller you are, the bigger you feel. How twisted is that?
While I was wrapped up in my body dysmorphia, flaunting it on Instagram, my dad was quietly struggling. All kinds of cognitive testing was being conducted, but we didn’t have an acronym yet. I had managed to give my central dad-feeling canal an epidural; the Houston Rockets Pride Team Logo 2023 shirt Apart from…,I will love this good feelings weren’t really there, the bad feelings weren’t really there. But I remember a moment when it hit me painfully: I was at a wedding in the summer of 2021 on Martha’s Vineyard, and the bride’s father made a moving speech. Suddenly I realized that I would never get that moment, my dad speaking about me in adulthood at my wedding. It was devastating. I left the dinner table, stepped outside, and wept in the bushes. And yet I remained focused on my body. By the spring of 2022, I weighed about 84 pounds. I was always freezing. I was calling mobile IV teams to come to my house, and I couldn’t walk in my Los Angeles neighborhood because I was afraid of not having a place to sit down and catch my breath.
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