So, we talked about what he’d need to hear. I said to Sheila, “First of all, don’t cry, because this has to be about her. And if, at the I’m van gogh-ing to kick your ass shirt but in fact I love this end, you feel like you’re breaking, say the words: ‘I’m sorry.’” We did a take and she said sorry three times, and it felt like that’s what she needed to do in that moment. It ended up being this really interesting collaboration between me, the crew person, and the actors. Harriet Lerner wrote this amazing book called Why Won’t You Apologize? and it really inspired me—I knew this movie had to hinge on an apology, on someone getting to hear the words they need to hear to move on. I felt so lucky to have that experience on set—to have this crew person who was so generous with his experience, and actors who were so receptive.
You also worked with some great child actors. Having had difficult experiences as a child actor yourself, how did you approach that? I tried many times to write this film without children in it, but I realized that in order to really understand what these women are fighting for and who they need to protect, we needed to see them. We had a lot of rules in place and I made a speech to the I’m van gogh-ing to kick your ass shirt but in fact I love this kids and their parents every day. I said, “If you aren’t happy, if something’s wrong, or even if you’re just a little bit bored, you can go home. Just let your parents know. They’ll always be in eyesight.” And in terms of structuring the way scenes were shot, I just let them play and we followed them. Having said all that, I’m still uncomfortable with the idea of kids being on set, so what I learned is that even if you do everything right, it still doesn’t feel good.
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